A while back, I read somewhere--not sure where--about how God is the ultimate gambler. Not just the ultimate gambler, the ultimate BAD gambler. He bets on us when, chances and history tells Him, we're more likely to lose.
There's Biblical evidence for this. Consider Job 1&2. I'll let you read it for yourself, but here's the summation. God and Satan have a bet that if Satan curses Job and makes his life miserable, that Job will turn away from God. God readily agrees to this. The rest of Job is Job, in his suffering, calling out to God asking him why he was doing this and God responding.
I'll be honest. I've never really liked Job. It was my least favorite book of the Bible. It seemed to show a very callous side of God. It put to mind a puppeteer or a chess-master, moving and manipulating His pawns about the board. The idea of God wagering on us, especially against the vindictiveness of Satan, seemed horrible to me.
But lately, I think I'm beginning to understand Job a little more. God doesn't just bet on Job, He bets on all of us. Against all odds, our crazy in love God continually insists on believing in us and loving us. It makes absolutely no logical sense. How many times has God said to us, 'I'm counting on you,' and we've let Him down? How many times has God pulled through for us compared to when we have pulled through for him?
But I suppose God loads the odds for as Scripture says, 'If He is with us, who can stand against us?' If we call on God as our protector, as our Savior, there is no losing.
This past Sunday, I have decided to embark on a rather staggering commitment. I have chosen to abstain from dating--for a year.
That's right. No dating. No dating for you, missy. My deadline is my mother's 54th birthday, February 5th, 2013.
This decision was not made lightly. I got the idea from a friend of mine, who runs the house church I attend on Thursday nights. We had a conversation months ago, about how when she came back to Christianity she decided to commit a year to God and simply--not date for that year. I remember being rather impressed at this sacrifice, as the thought, 'I could never do that' flickered through my head. However, the idea remained in my head, marinating.
Until last Sunday, when it came to fruition. In case you're curious, here are my main reasons for doing this.
1. My desire for a relationship is becoming an idol and a distraction.
The irony of this does not escape me--actually, for the past three or four years, the idea of being in a monogamous relationship was not on my agenda. I was very into the whole, 'I don't like to label things' and 'I just don't want to be tied down' sort of thinking. Until this past summer, that is. I am now in a state of desiring and wishing for a relationship. This is not inherently a bad thing--I think most people have experienced a longing to be in love. But I think my want for one has eclipsed my want for a better relationship with God. Therein lies the danger. Nothing should take God's place in life.
God created so many things, so many things that when put to His glory, are incredibly beautiful and moving. But they are very easy to make idols of--patriotism, friendship, and most especially--romantic love.
Our society has not been especially helpful with this. So many love songs, so many romance novels, and most especially--romantic films. I'm not a hypocrite--I love rom coms. In fact, my Valentine's Day post will be a list of my top ten favorites. However, I'm not blind to the dangers of them.
Your basic rom com's premise are two people who incomplete. Something is missing in their lives. They meet the other, they may dislike the other, they may fall in love at first sight--but once they're together, all is right in their lives. This is a very dangerous and tempting trap, to believe that someone else can complete you, that all you need is someone to love and to love you back. Unfortunately, life's a little more complicated than that.
There is only one who can fit that place in our lives. There is only one that can complete us. There is only one who can make our lives right. And that's God. Not to say God is against romance--He isn't. Good gracious, He created it, didn't He? Marriage was the first sacrament that God created. But like anything else--sex, family, patriotism, two people in love--you take God away from the equation, it becomes an idol. It takes the place of God. C.S. Lewis goes on about this a little more eloquently, in his fantastic book, "The Four Loves".
2. I do not have the time or emotional capabilities to negotiate a relationship right now.
This sounds like the oldest cliche in the book. It also sounds like an excuse. It is neither. Despite my wish for love, a relationship, getting one right now would be extremely difficult to manage. I will be graduating this summer. I am determined to get a good GPA this semester. I am applying to grad schools. Most importantly, I am strengthening my connection to God. I am entirely exhausted most of the week. Weekends are spent resting and reviving my body and mind. I am literally stretched to my limit. Not to mention, I don't plan on being in this town long-term. By this time next year, I hope to be in England. It's unfair to expect myself to juggle another person in my life, and it's unfair to them as well.
3. When I am able to make a commitment to someone--I want to do it with my whole heart and in a godly way.
I feel, that making this commitment to God and myself, that it will better prepare me for the man is God planning for me. I hope--by that time--to truly know what it means to have God at the center of my life and all of my relationships. By loving God better, I will love others by default.
So, that's what's on tap for my life. I know this year isn't going to be easy, but I know in the end, it will be worth it. I'll see you March 5th, 2012, to tell you how my first month went.
I have a solid hour before class and rather than doing something productive with my time (perish the thought) I decided to make a list of my favorite musicians. Bear in mind, I like a LOT of music. This barely scratches the surface. These are just my tippy top favorites in no particular order.
1. Kate Voegele
If you're a friend, you probably know of her because I yammer on about her constantly and pretty much exclusively play Kate Voegele songs on guitar.
Anyway--yes, she does star on One Tree Hill, but I liked her BEFORE that. Ahem. I discovered her on iTunes when one of her songs was featured as a free download. That song was "Only Fooling Myself", which is still my favorite song by her, although I love every single one. I got to see her in concert with my darling Fox and she was incredible. She hugged me. She also is teeny, like a foot shorter than me and half my size. I love her because whatever she's going through, she puts into her writing, and when I listen to it, it inevitably will be something I'm going through too. Or--something I will go through. Case in point--when I first heard "Hundred Million Dollar Soul" I thought it was okay, but not her best. Then a few months later I met someone who reminded me of the song--now it's probably my favorite song off her latest album. Her songs have helped me get through my dark days--"Sweet Silver Lining", "High Road", and "Gravity Happens". Her romantic entanglements have been similar to mine--"Only Fooling Myself", "Unfair", "Impatient Girl", and "Say Anything". She also has my coloring and we both love Gibson guitars. See why I love her so much?
2. David Bowie
You had to see this one coming.
For the full details on the progression of my love for David Bowie, click here. What do I love about this musician? I love that he just doesn't give a flying flip. I love that his lyrics range from deep and insightful, to goofy, to romantic, to deep fried crack on toast. I love that he went through various musical phases and transitions and each of them had something fresh to say. I love how none of his music sounds the same--you get hard rock numbers like "I'm Afraid of Americans" or acoustic indie "Seven" or what-the-hell-is-this "We Are Hungry Men". He is an enigma and I love it.
3. Scouting for Girls
These guys make me go weak in the knees.
I really really REALLY wanted to see them while I was in England over the summer, but unfortunately they never played in a city that was accessible to me. Drove me nuts. Anyway, they are a British Indie-Pop band and they are wonderful. I discovered them on a youtube fan video someone had made about the SyFy miniseries Alice. It all spilled over from there. I love these guys. Every romantic song they croon--"Heartbeat", "Love How It Hurts", "This Ain't A Love Song", "Take a Chance On Us" makes me want to marry each one of them simultaneously.
They are so darling. My one gripe with them is they haven't toured in America or released their deluxe edition of their album to the US.
4. Hayley Westenra
Ah, Hayley Westenra. I've had her music for a while now, but it's been just recently that I've come to appreciate how beautiful it is. "What You Never Know Won't Hurt You" brings me to tears, "Dark Waltz" is so haunting, and her cover of "Both Sides Now" is breath taking. She has a gorgeous soprano voice and is the singer whose voice is closest to mine. (As much as I love Kate Voegele, she is an alto and I always have sing her songs in a different key.) Hayley Westenra is calming. Listening to her is akin to sitting by a lake or walking alone in a forest. She is incredible--if I ever make it musically, I would beg her to do a duet with me.
5. Saving Jane
Can I just say, that when these guys broke up, a little part of me died? I know, I know, they formed a new band, Union Rose, and so far they sound pretty solid. But it still breaks my heart. If you've heard of them, you probably know them for their one-hit wonder, "Girl Next Door". Don't be deceived. This band has some incredible songs and I will never understand why they didn't catch on. "What I Didn't Say" is fantastic, as is "Nicotine", "One Girl Revolution", and "Imperfection". My favorite--"Love Can't Save Us Now"--is one they never released--they just posted the demo on their myspace.
Two years ago, the lead singer also wrote two songs during the Twilight madness. They were about vampires--"I'm in Love with a Vampire", which was clearly modeled off of Twilight and "Immortal" which could probably apply to any vampire series. Still, Saving Jane was known for their badass female empowerment songs--the lead singer has written several SCREW YOU MUSIC BUSINESS songs--so, I was horribly disappointed with her writing a song about Twilight. So I messaged her on Myspace. This is what I wrote:
Dear Marti,
First of all, I want you to know how much of a huge fan I am of your band. You're going to Indiana in December and me and my compadres will totally be there. :D And let me also say that your new song "I'm in Love with a Vampire" is damned catchy and is some pretty great tuneage.
Here comes the but.
But I'm a little disappointed and hurt. You've been writing these AMAZING songs about female empowerment and girl power for years--songs that have been my anthem as I take on male-dominated world. And now you write this song, while it's very good, that is clearly inspired from the Twilight series which is the exact opposite of female empowerment. I know you're a fan and I respect that, but surely you can see all the anti-female themes within the books? When does Bella ever save herself rather than have Edward (or Jacob) save her? How is it healthy for adolescents to read about a girl who jumps off a cliff when her boyfriend abandons her? What about all the times Edward orders Bella around and takes control of her life? He watches her sleep for goodness' sake (which your song even mentions). That's not love, that's obsession. And it just hurts that after all the ways your songs have helped me I get a new song about how cool dominating-females-is-cool-cuz-I'm-a-vampire song.
Please don't get the wrong idea, I'm not trying to slam you, I will ALWAYS be your biggest fan. I just wanted you to know how I felt.
Much love,
Phoenix
So I wrote that, and you want to know what happened? SHE ACTUALLY WROTE ME BACK. This was her response:
Hi there Phoenix,
Thanks for sharing you opinion! :-) I can see your point, though I'm not sure I necessarily agree that the books are degrading to women. I think there are some good points as well, like the characters of Rosalie and Alice, who are pretty tough, and I also like that the character of Bella is vulnerable, yet still independent (she leaves her mom and moves to Washington by herself, which is not something I would have been bold enough to do at 17) and is a bit of a loner at school, but doesn't seem desperate to fit in like so many young girls do. And while 'vampire' is definitely Twilight inspired, 'immortal' draws more from vampires in the Sookie Stackhouse stories, and she is definitely an empowered female character.
All that said, this was just something fun for me to work on. At the time, I wasn't attempting to write for Saving Jane, it just turned out that the label liked the songs and wanted to release them, and thought SJ would be a good venue for that. I write all the time, songs about all kinds of topics, some of them are empowered, some are sad, some are silly...I do it for myself because it's something I love, and I am fortunate enough that I do what I love for a career, but I don't always have control over which songs get a release. I'd love to do another full length album, but at the moment, our record label is only interested in releasing singles because that's what's more economical for them. So in the meantime, I write and write and wait to see what happens! :-)
See you in December,
Marti
HULH. It's nice to know when I've piqued. It's also nice to know that one of my favorite bands wasn't offended by my critique and actually took the time to address some of my issues. Rock on, Saving Jane. Rock on.
WARNING: Blatant Christian themes and thoughts and meditations, up ahead!
My friends Regan, Avlbane, and I have a habit of occasionally being badasses. By this, I mean we will sit in one of our cars, belting out Disney (or Dreamworks, as the case may be) songs at the top of our lungs and then proceeding to analyze them far beyond what the creators of such songs intended. It's what we do.
As we're doing so, I noticed something truly epic about this particular song. Have a listen.
If you don't hear the inherent the awesomeness of this song, get off this blog.
But as we're singing this at the top of our lungs, I noticed something incredibly chilling and epic about the lyrics. The lyrics of this song can parallel not only Moses and Ramses, but God and Lucifer. I think of it as a conversation between God, Michael the Archangel, and Lucifer. Let's have a look-see.
Thus saith the Lord, Since you refuse to free my people, All through the land of Egypt, I send the pestilence and plague into your house, into your bed, into your streams, into your streets, Into your drink, into your bread, upon your cattle, on your sheep, upon your oxen in your field, Into your dreams, into your sleep, Until you break, until you yield, I send the swarm, I send the horde, THUS SAITH THE LORD.
I'll let the awesomeness sink in. These plagues make me think of the upcoming battle between God and Satan--God using all the horrors and powers of earth He's created to destroy Satan's armies. Think of the full might of God. Tornadoes, volcanoes, locusts, blizzards, hurricanes, lightning storms, thunder storms, wildfires, lions, tigers, wolves, oceans, mountains, and deserts. All of these in tandem, determined to destroy the enemy.
Next lines!
Moses: Once I called you brother, once I thought the chance to make you laugh, was all I ever wanted.
God: I send the thunder from the sky I send the fire raining down!
Moses: And even now, I wish that God had chose another, serving as your foe on his behalf, was the last thing that I wanted.
Lucifer wasn't always Satan. He wasn't always the devil. Once upon a time, he was one of God's most glorious angels, the morning star. How hard it must've been for God to see his beloved turn from him and actively seek to destroy His creations. How sad Michael, the Archangel, must've been to fight against his brother.
God: I send a hail of burning ice on every field on every town.
Moses: This was my home, all this pain and devastation, how it tortures me inside. All the innocent who suffer, from your stubbornness and pride!
I don't think God necessarily likes sending His full wrath upon Satan. After all, Lucifer was beloved once too. But God isn't going to let this fallen, prideful, angel hurt His children.
God: I send the locusts on a wind such as the world has never seen, on every leaf on every stalk, until there's nothing left of green. I send my scourge, I send my sword, thus saith the Lord.
Moses: You who I called brother, why must you call down another blow? Let my people go!
God: I send my scourge, I send my sword!
Thus saith the Lord!
This is a battle that's been going on for millennia, in a place where there is no time. When the Prince of Lies took over our earth, God snarled. "Let my people go!" Or He will storm your camp, Satan. He will raid and take back all the prisoners of this war.
Now let's look at Satan's point of view.
Rameses: You who I called brother, how could you have come to hate me so? Is this what you wanted? Then let my heart be hardened! And never mind how high the cost may go! This will still be so! I will never let your people go!
Lucifer isn't some villain dancing on a table squealing, "I'm evil! I'm evil!" He legitimately thinks he's right. He doesn't understand why God is fighting him so hard. How could you have come to hate me so? Lucifer has always saw himself as better than humans, higher above them. Which causes his pride to become more intense and his stubbornness to be even harder. He doesn't care about the cost anymore. He is never going to release this world.
Lucky for us, God is never going to stop fighting for us either. Even better, He's already won. He won the day a carpenter's son was born in a stable. Because there is nothing, nothing, God wouldn't do to get us back. His love is that intense.
Thanksgiving has never really had much meaning for me. That sounds kinda petty, but it honestly just isn't one of the holidays that I anticipate or truly love. For me, it always seems to be kind of a pitstop, a point to get through to get to Christmas. You can really tell this by looking at my past blogs. Last year, I didn't say a peep about Thanksgiving. This year however, it's been a little different.
I've been on a Nicki Minaj kick lately, and I was listening to this song--
The lines, "No, I'm not lucky, I'm blessed--yes." really spoke to me. Because she's right. I'm not lucky. I'm blessed. Truly blessed.
So here's a sappy Thanksgiving post. I'm going make a list (you all know how I love lists) of seventeen ways God has blessed me. Why seventeen? Because that's all I could think of. Lol.
1. God
I am thankful for God. I am thankful that through all my temper tantrums, my irrationality, even when I hated and cursed Him, He stuck with me. He led me back to Him through the careful use of my friends, the people I've met, and my transforming experience in Oxford. I don't think I'll ever understand why He loves me and why He puts up with me, but I know I am truly grateful that He does.
2. Old friends
I love this picture because it captures everyone I love in a place that I love. These are the ladies that have been there for me, no matter how hard. These are the girls I'd do anything for and I thank God every day for bringing them into my life.
3. New friends
This past year, I've done a lot in a lot of places. Whenever I do something new, say, transfer to a new university, go to England, etc., I always have this strangely irrational fear that I will not make any new friends and be shunned. This has never been the case. Especially this year, I've met so many amazing people that have impacted my life in incredible ways. For that, I'm grateful and indebted to them. I hope they remain in my life and continue to help me grow and learn.
4. My VBC seminar
Instead of taking formal classes, I chose to do a fifteen credit project this semester. The project involved researching 'vernacular memorials'--such as tattoo memorials or roadside crosses, things of that nature. My initial reasoning for doing this project was to take a break for the routine of regular courses and try and get back on my feet but in all honesty, this seminar has done so much for me. It's given me confidence in my abilities, reminded me that if I work hard enough, I can do anything. It's forced me to work outside my comfort zone and honestly create something, something I can be proud of. Most of all, it's forced me to face my fears of death. I will never be comfortable with death, but I think the emotional maturity I've gained from this project has prepared me better to deal with it.
5. My trip to England
I very nearly did not go to England this summer. There were financial struggles, I missed several paperwork deadlines, I nearly didn't get the loan I needed, etc. For a while there, I was sure I would not go. But God worked it out. I am so grateful He did. I gained some of those new friends on that trip. I visited places I'd always wanted to go to. Most importantly, on a rainy day in Oxford, I came back to Him. Good lord, where would I be now if I hadn't gone?
6. My family
I'll be honest, my family drives me crazy. My oldest brother's inability to wash a dish. My mother's inability to see how awesome she is. My family's basic inability to communicate with each other. But if there's one thing I've learned in my VBC seminar, no one lives forever. I appreciate them and love them even more for being there. And through all the little aggravations, there will always be things I love about them. Saul's never failing ability to make me laugh for one. When my oldest brother (the one who can't wash a dish) brags about my favorite papers. My middle brother's patience. How my mother never fails to coddle me when I want to be coddles. My father's determination to fix anything that comes up in my life. They are my family, and I love them fiercely.
7. My Grandpa
I love my Grandpa. He's the only grandparent I've ever known, and he is incredible. I have been blessed enough to see him regularly and actually forge a relationship with him. He's 96 and I know he won't be around forever. But I'm so thankful for the time I've been given with him.
8. My sister
My sister is obviously a part of number 6, my family, but the amount of my gratitude for having her in my life deserves its own spot. I met my sister for the first time the fall of 2008--well, technically, the first letter from her arrived not long after my eighteenth birthday. I met her the following summer. That story will have its own blog post one of these days, but suffice it to say she is incredible and God has blessed me sooo much for bringing us together.
9. My cat
This seems an overly sentimental one, but I'm feeling particularly sappy, so deal. This occurred to me last night, while I was reading on my bed, and my darling crotchety cat hopped on my bed and curled up next to my chest. There is nothing quite as contenting as a cat using you as a pillow, purring up a storm. I have had this cat, formerly called Goldenrod (I've been calling him THE DOCTOR lately due to my obsession with Doctor Who) since I was nine years old. He has been a constant companion and is very dear to my heart.
10. My mother's new job
My mother has been searching for a new job for a good two years now. It has caused my family no end of stress and fear. This past month, she finally was accepted into a new position. I haven't stopped thanking God for it.
11. My music
I am thankful that God blessed me with musical genes and a musical momma. Everything I write comes from Him and everything I play/sing would be nothing without Him.
12. My writing
All the stories I create, all the blogs I scribble, all the papers I sweat over--these are the things I love to work on and I am so blessed that He granted me a talent at it.
13. My puppy
I have the most beautiful German Shepherd in the world. She is slightly neurotic and drools over all my sheets and is generally crazy, but I love her to bits. She is my baby.
14. My church
I've never felt quite at home with a church. I refused to get confirmed at thirteen and basically flitted from church to church, feeling that nothing was a right fit for me. However, the church that was attached to my school--has always been a home, even when I didn't see it that way. They recently sent me a college care package and I was so touched by their love and thoughts. So nowadays, I've accepted it--Immanuel Lutheran will always be my home church.
15. C.S. Lewis
C.S. Lewis has impacted my life so powerfully. He has been quite possibly my greatest teacher, leading me forward in my faith and challenging me to think critically and logically. His words have meant everything to me, and for all he's done, I am thankful.
16. House Church
I mentioned before that finding new churches is often a trial for me. It's even worse when I'm in an unfamiliar school and town. I prayed to find a new spiritual home and like he does, God answered my prayers. He introduced me to someone in my VBC seminar who led me to House Church, a weekly Bible study and Sunday church. Having a friend there was comforting and relaxed me. So I am thankful for that.
17. My education
I have been very blessed education-wise. My father, with somewhat snobbish intentions, refused to send any of his children to public schools so my brothers and I went to private institutions our entire life. This was a very important stepping stone in my life, however, and I'm grateful for it. The quality of my education has always been good and my very Lutheran high school and elementary school gave me a wonderful Christian foundation to fall back on.
In the end, it's true. I'm not lucky, I'm blessed, and I hope never to forget that.
I'll be honest, I like TV. Now don't get me wrong, as an English major, I'll always prefer books. But there are times when I'm lazy, and I just don't feel like concentrating too hard. That's when I'll switch on the TV (or in all honesty, pirate something online, cuz that's just how I roll.)
But here's something I don't like. I don't always like how women are represented on television. I understand, it's hard. You want a character that's likable but you also want a character that's human. You want a character that can kick ass if need be, but you also want a character with vulnerability. For some reason, screenwriters can do it well with men and not so well with women. So here's my list of my favorite women on television.
1. Rory Gilmore from "Gilmore Girls"
I won't lie, when I was twelve years old, I wanted to BE Rory Gilmore. In some fashion, I still do. (Although I would've chosen Jess, cuz he was sooo much better than stupid Logan, JUST SAYING) She was relatable to me and to a lot of girls. She was bookish, she was quiet, the quintessential good girl. People thought she was shy but in actuality, she was loads of fun with a quick wit. Like I said. Relatable.
Rory also grows as a person. We see her fight with her mother, Lorelai, (who'd be on this list as well but I didn't have room) we celebrate when she gets into Yale, we wring our hands in anguish when she drops out for that short period of time. She makes mistakes but she learns from them and always manages to fix her life in time.
I think what I love about Rory is she's never let a guy decide her fate. She's been in relationship after relationship--but it's never affected her dreams in a negative way. She tried to make it work with Dean, she didn't run away with Jess when he asked her to (even though I sort of wanted her to and she kind of wanted to as well, she made the right decision, plus it forced Jess to grow up himself) and she DIDN'T marry Logan when she graduated from Yale. She's always known her own mind, which is something admirable in a female character.
2. Jo Harvelle from "Supernatural"
There was a LOT of Jo hate when she first appeared on the show, but I loved her. She was badass, she didn't take any crap, and she handled a shotgun beautifully. She also punched Dean, which is just sort of amazing in itself.
Jo can also hold her own. I'm pretty sure she could out-hunt Dean and Sam and she also managed to convince her mother that she could be a hunter. Trust me, Ellen Harvelle is a tough nut to crack. She also deserves a place on this list--maybe I should make a list of most awesome TV moms. We shall see.
In any case, Jo is also brave. She died a hero, saving her friends. That scene still tears me up.
3. Samantha Jones from "Sex and the City"
Here's the thing about Sex and the City.
It's kind of a dumb show.
I know, I'm shocked too. With a name like Sex and the City, you were probably expecting the height of intellectualism.
SATC is my indulgence show. I can pull out excuses for Gilmore Girls--smart dialogue, hilarious references--and Supernatural--amazing plot, great setting, fabulous music, intriguing characters. I don't have excuses for SATC and I don't need them. This is the show where after a hard day of using my brain, I turn it off, order Chinese, and watch.
I could go on a full rant on how this show pretends to be feminist and women friendly when in actuality, not one of the episodes has EVER passed the Bechdel test, but that's another blog for another time.
Samantha Jones is probably the only one of the four female protagonists that does not get on my nerves on an episodic basis. She is smart, she is loads of fun, she's confident, and she has a very firm idea on who she is. Her boldness and charm are refreshing--she doesn't seem fake. I like that about her.
There are also definite flaws to Samantha's character. (I like characters with flaws.) She very rarely lets herself be vulnerable and she hides her insecurities in series of flings. But I also love how defensive she is of her friends. She's loyal to the end--not afraid to tell off one of Carrie's more manipulative exes and perfectly willing to yell at a frenemy who 'stole Charlotte's baby name.' A testament to her character, since Samantha loathes children. All in all, she's a well-rounded character, and while certainly not feminist, still enjoyable to watch.
4. Arya Stark from "Game of Thrones"
I love Game of Thrones. I love its plot, the characters, ESPECIALLY the portrayal of women. We have the women who play by the rules, Danaerys, Cat Stark. And we have the women who do NOT play by the rules. Like Arya here.
Don't be fooled by her adorable-ness. She is slowly learning how to kill. She is a force to be reckoned with. I love how she's challenging the established rules for women. That kicks ass, guys. There's only been ten episodes of GoT, so we're still watching the characters evolve. But I feel there will be good things in Arya's future.
5. Brooke Davis from "One Tree Hill"
I have a lot of issues with One Tree Hill. But one thing has been consistent about this show--I've always loved Brooke Davis. She's savvy, she's stylish, confident, and best of all, evolved. She grows sooo much from her early days. She has such a warm and loving personality, as well as being strong and tough when she needs to be. She has enough grace to forgive Peyton for betraying her--multiple times I might add--and she lives life by her own terms. I think what impressed me the most about Brooke Davis was her reasoning for returning to Tree Hill in season 5. Peyton came back for a boy, Brooke came back to start a new life. That's impressive.
I also love the growth of her relationships with men on the show. They started out from being purely physical, to puppy love, back to physical (to keep her heart from being broken again) to true love, and then to adult love. I wasn't totally sure about how she fell in love with Julian, because in all honesty, I was getting sick and tired of her getting Peyton's castoffs--but their relationship won me over, especially Brooke's line about always being a footnote in someone else's love story. Sigh.
I've been thinking for a while about what I should write for this sucker, and in all honesty, I'm still not sure. So I started flipping through my old blogs for ideas. I sure whined a lot. But I guess that's the point of a blog, right? I also rediscovered an appreciation for my life and all I've been given. I have the most amazing friends in the entire world. I'm sure everyone says that, but I seriously mean it.
I think the mark of a friendship is how you fight. In the past week, I have gotten into two little tiffs with some friends of mine. Now, I rarely fight with my girlfriends. The most we really do is snipe at each other. Oh, how we snipe.
I can't go into great detail, but let's take my snipe with Avlbane recently. The night before, I'd been going into deep depressing Phoenix mode, and started going on about how being alone wasn't so bad. I didn't really NEED to have someone in my life. I have a dog. I have a cat. In all honesty, that's all I need. Avlbane cautiously agreed with me but flat out told me not to ignore something right in front of me.
The next night, Avlbane came over for dinner. Like I said, due to personal matters and the idea of humiliating myself online, I can't get into specifics. Basically, I announced my intention to retreat. Hide. A certain something had presented itself, and I wasn't having any of it.
Well, neither was Avlbane.
I have seen Avlbane unleash her wrath on stupid people, and it is most entertaining. It is not so entertaining when I am the brunt of it. She informed me in no uncertain terms that I was being stupid. "I love you, but sometimes you get so focused in on how you think your life is...I don't want you to miss out on what's right in front of you because of it."
I didn't like that. Mostly because she's right. When something's going badly in my life, I hide. I compress into a bubble where I think it's safe and hope nothing gets me. This doesn't sound so bad in writing, but in all honesty, it's what led me into my fight with depression last semester.
We yelled at each other for about twenty minutes. I kept trying to change the subject but she immediately would turn it back to the situation. Naturally, she won the argument. I seethed for the rest of the evening.
Then God smacked me in the face by basically saying He was TOTALLY on Avlbane's side. SIGH. I went to church with Avlbane that weekend and the sermon was about how humans only see part of the picture. God sees the whole story.
OKAY GOD, I GET IT.
I only see what's going on around me right now. God sees what I've done, what I'm doing, and what I will do. He knows how my story turns out. This whole hiding, retreating business? It's just me trying to get a grasping control on my life, when in all honesty, I don't have a handle on it. I never will. I may see my current situation as hopeless, as God taunting me with something I want but can't have. God sees it as something that may define my life, that may teach me something, so He wants me to shut up and learn from it.
My hubris extends more. A few nights ago I had a snipe with Regan about something she's dealing with. Because OBVIOUSLY I know what's best for her. She couldn't possibly decide how she wants to handle her life, so it's MY JOB as her FRIEND to decide for her.
Right?
Seriously, how does God put up with me?
I guess what I can gain from this is that God loves me desperately. He loves me enough to give me friends that are smart enough to tell me when I'm being stupid or going into hiding mode. He loves me enough to give me repeat lessons at something until I learn it. He's a good teacher. He's a good father. Most of all, he's a good friend.
"There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends."--John 15:13
